love (unconditional) turns selfish !

hello ...... m sure my posts are turning out to be boring as ever ...but maybe they visualise the level i think upon ... which even i dont know what and how it is ......

anyway, i somehow wanted to write about love, n the changes in my perspective that have come about in the way i take "love" as !! the most simplest idea of love that i viewed it was that of a world full of dreams n fantasies and ur loved one besides u, loving u everytime n for everything....this world had no boundaries, limitations or conditions...

u both love each other unconditionally n carry on , as they say "happily ever after" !!

well, i may not be wrong in saying that atleast every girl must have had this vision in her formative years about love..

Needless to say, its just an immature illusion, a dream which is highly influenced by the ultra-romantic movies and books, novels, literature of the same genre !!

When reality dawns upon us, as it did on me too, u come to realise the fact that 'life is not a bed of roses' ....( though it all depends on how u take it as ) But there is wee-bit of a mistake that many of us make( the so-called "dumbfounded-in-love" girls ), when we find someone or someone finds us whom we think is the man of our dreams, we carry this excess baggage of dreams n illusions with us into the relationship that we commence on forming....Luckily, for some of us, in the initial phase of the relation with ur loved one, he too tries to make some of ur fantasies seem true, provided he has the means for it ......but not all would think similarly or know how to make ur dreams come true...In any which way, after a while, the reality does come to the forefront for all, the dream does break, the illusion does shatter .....

Some of us handle it really well, but some of us are broken into pieces as this conjures up to form a different image altogether....coz we didn't expect this at all along the way !! But still, we do love him unconditionally as ever... Well, but Surprise, Surprise ...we may not be loved as unconditionally as we believe and want it to be !!

Its perfectly fine if he takes time to love but never expect u would be loved in a certain way, as he may have a different way to show his love, he might also put some conditions owing them to be fulfilled for u to be loved......the simplest one for us girls would be "to get in the proper figure, shape, size" !! m sure everyone has faced this.......n then u start to think that no matter how much u love him unconditionally, he wont spend quality time with u unless u fulfill some conditions.......we start to think that if we are giving ( trying to give ) so much of unconditional love, we should get it back too ( maybe with added interest ), but love doesn't work that way, not in some cases..........this is where we start turning "selfish"..wat i mean by "selfish" is that we want him to spend all his time with us, give us gifts, give us attention, give us love but we forget about the fact that he could have somethings he wants to do alone, for his own self, n he would need some time off for his own soul-searching.....we just want him to be there always for us, to take us to the office, the bus stop, the doctor, the parlour, the shop, to eat out everywhere when we want even if all he really wants is to sit at his place n do sumthin else....now, that's selfish ....

we dont realise but once we start having "great expectations" n "love unconditionally", we do fall into this trap n become "selfish" , inadvertently !!!

the only ( proven ) way to come out of it is to first n foremost, shed all of ur expectations, become an empty glass or box always, such that watever experiences u share can easily fill it up , leaving u fulfilled n happy !!! if its already full with expectations, u wont have room to enjoy watever u share in the present moment..n u always end up comparing ur current experience with the already set ( by u ) expectation....n end up feeling negative....wats the use? seriously, u end up frustrating ur partner n urself.........its a lost battle from then on .

also, learn to give him the space he wants n start using ur own space and independence for becoming the person that u wanted to be and enriching urself by trying different things, how much u can do ........that way, a longingness will creep in within both to spend good n quality time together, with no fuss around.

its jus a matter of time n understanding.....resultant is , first u would end up understanding urself much better n in due course, u realise that he too understands n appreciates u better.........

word of caution : Still, keep those dreams far away ........far far away .........n enjoy the reality to its core !!!

( i know u wud say, i could have written all of this as a first-person account , but i jus went with my flow of writing ! )

"+" n "-"

well, dont think that i am goin to publish about math in this post of mine.....that wud be such irony coz i used to hate math right upto college level...:)
actually, its about two opposite and strong forces which we deal with everyday in our lives....the "positive" and the "negative" !!
how many of the times have u felt conflicting thoughts coming into ur head at the very same time?? when u hv to make decisions or react to certain situations....which path do u take ? the one that shows positivity or the negative one ?? though we aren't conscious about it , but most of us inevitably let the negativity seep into our systems, making the world around us ( our own universe ) a slightly difficult place to live in.
When i m not aware, even i chose to follow the negative thought pattern by default. Its only now , in the past few years, that i have started becoming highly aware of how not thinking before reacting negatively can cause serious disasters in one's personal or even professional lives. I m slowly discovering that the key to this is to always be aware and think before reacting ( dont think too much ! ) that way, u give more time to urself to sort out the positive from the negative and focus on only the positive aspect of a situation for a moment, seriously. It surely calms u down and then when u react , its either in a very positive or maybe a neutral way which ensures everybody's peace of mind.
Oft late, i have even discovered another factor that especially helps me into this ... that is a form of physical exercise... i practice yoga and believe me, although its tough and the body aches so much but after one good, concentrated session of it, i feel truly refreshed and i personally get the feeling that i have thrown all of my stray negative thoughts into the dustbin !! ...
A word of caution though : sometimes u start considering the positiive aspect so much that u even start thinking positive about the case when somebody hits u ( or hurts u ) n goes away , u just dont dont wanna think negative....well, i guess thats blind faith or trust or simply foolishness ( can be love also ;) ) :))....but thats another topic i would like to deal with separately later ......:)

m i alone ?

jus wanted to share a feeling i m beginning to delve into much deeply these days..... m i alone ??
in the context of the whole universe, of the small part of this universe which is my world inclusive of my family, friends, colleagues, people i meet etc. isn't it so that we deal with some or all of these people in our lives everyday but nevertheless, at a certain point in time, if even for a fraction of a second, we feel completely isolated and alone .... i would atleast say so for myself coz i have felt this loneliness even sometimes when i am surrounded by people all around me .... its a feeling that creeps in which makes u realise that maybe nobody understands what u really are and what u really feel...... it sometimes makes me look at the mirror n jus stare , at my own self.....not recognising who i am ..........that's a moment for me to feel truly ALONE as i am myself not with me , leave alone other people in my life .......
i m sure we have some people in our lives with whom we connect and feel they know us better than we ourselves do......but do these people really and truly understand u especially when u wud want them to ? No , not for me.... its always me striving to give explanations for my behavioural changes to those people and my ownself ......not knowing sometimes whether i was actually able to get through that exact same feeling which i felt in my explanations as well...
this never-ending process still goes on , with life's complexities increasing day-by-day.... and i do feel ALONE most of the times !!! ......